


Remember How to Remember

by hibiscushavoc



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: I'm proud of this one, it's a drabble, it's a little bit different than my usual stuff but it's more akin to Gnawing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22642666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibiscushavoc/pseuds/hibiscushavoc
Summary: In the scattered fog of thought, Bede tries to remember and yet forget how to focus all at once. In the end, you can't forget how to remember. Even if it's trivial, and even if when you wake up you can't remember how to try to think, it'll come back to you one way or another. It just takes a little bit of time to wake up.Drabble about waking up and mental cognition. No heavy themes but a lot of introspection.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Remember How to Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, it's been a while. I hope you like this, I'm proud of how it turned out.  
> Small side note, this Bede is an empath, but that is only very briefly referenced and could just be taken as him recognizing Hop's tone.  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy.

Comfortable.

Bede didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know a lot of things. When he first woke up, all he knew was that he was comfortable, and he was tired. A quiet, muted white dominated his vision as he blinked sore eyes open, and at first he wasn’t aware of what he was seeing.

As slow as a computer starting up, Bede reached out a hand to gently press into the soft surface and bunch it close to himself as he processed the stimuli as being a comforter and blankets. Something altogether both alien and yet recognizable, Bede inhaled the scent of fresh linen as his eyes slipped shut again.

He didn’t know how long it had been since he’s been in a bed.

Bede didn’t know where he was, but this wasn’t somewhere he was used to being. Some part of his mind knew they should be alert and ready to face danger, yet the sore and angry throbs of muscles long unused urged Bede to stay still. Aches both old and new, with the stirring of his body the embers were reignited and the coals glowed bright and hot in his joints in protest. Something both recently gained, yet familiar though not to this degree. Memories his muscles held when his brain dropped them spoke of exertion to the point of exhaustion, and whispered pleas to be gentle to avoid more strain.

Bede felt the aches of the recent past, yet the telltale stiffness of prolonged stillness, and he knew he must be in no immediate danger. Without thinking, he knew that he’d been here hours at least. Some event buried beneath the surface, that he knew he could remember if he tried, he let lay in the scattered fog of thought, not willing to focus on it yet.

_ Open your eyes. Take in the surroundings. _ Beyond the blankets of white, beyond the edge of the color which he dimly recognized as the edge of the bed.

Wedgehurst Laboratory.

It wasn’t too hard to figure out, with the numerous plants around and the books and notes spilling through the crack in a door Bede could see, realizing that he was in a side room from the main part of the lab. Against his objecting body, Bede shifted, wincing and trying to not focus on the stabbing pain in his arms as he tried to get more comfortable. He could see two more beds; one messy and unkempt, and the other neater yet still lived in as opposed to the stark, sterile sheets Bede lay upon. Hop and Professor Sonia’s beds, he reasoned.

Okay, all that figured out, Bede continued to ignore the deep, looming memory of what landed him in bed in the first place as he took a few breaths and attempted to sit up. His arms protested, shaking, barely supporting his miniscule weight as he forced himself up. Bede allowed himself a moment to rest once he was sitting upright, letting his breathing even and his heart slow back to a normal rate. With the practiced ease of one who’d grown accustomed to moving despite extreme pain, Bede swung his legs off the bed as he rubbed his eyes to keep them open. They were sore and raw for a reason Bede refused to dwell on, other than the innate knowledge that he hadn’t slept at all in a few days.

Forcing himself to his feet, Bede dimly stared at a wall as his body adjusted to the fact that no, the world did not exist only in a state of laying down and yes, they were going to be moving. By some instinct he didn’t care to name or focus on, Bede walked out the door, using the handle as support.

Seeing nothing yet staring dead ahead, Bede was sure he was seeing something his brain recognized as Hop, and yet he couldn’t focus on seeing him (or was he not trying?). Words spoken to him in a hurry went through one ear and out the other, nothing clicking in place as Bede only could hear noise floating from the other’s mouth. A tone that he knew as concern brushed against the barest ridges of being recognized, and some part of Bede was dimly and a little bitterly confused at why Hop wasn’t angry to see him. He couldn’t respond more than a soft hum in the back of his throat, feeling concern and panic waft from the other in some way Bede knew was familiar to him yet hadn’t the mind to remember why the presence of others felt so different when he’d been alone with his thoughts for the past… well, he didn’t know how long it had been. Bede found it impossible to focus on much of anything, and he held a hand to his head as fatigue washed over him and his eyes squeezed closed.

Understanding that he was being asked a question yet unable to understand (remember? hear? Did Bede even know how to talk anymore?) Bede made a small noise in response, noncommittal. He couldn’t see Hop’s face. And yet he could feel the concern spike again, and still he didn’t understand nor did he have the mind to try. Or did he not care? Bede couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember a lot of things, half forcibly forgotten and half locked from him by some force he didn’t understand yet knew was something mental. He didn’t want to focus on that. So he didn’t.

He was being led away now, a hand brushing against his back before being quickly retracted and then soft murmurs followed as Hop tried to take him somewhere. Bede followed, not trying to figure out his feelings on being touched but he was somewhat dimly sure he wasn’t pleased about it. And yet he felt nothing. So he didn’t dwell on it.

Lead to another room, smaller now, awash in more whites that somewhat hurt his eyes yet made Bede just want to go back to sleep. He hung around the doorframe, not sure what he was seeing for some moments before understanding that he was shown to a bathroom. Hop made more noises that Bede couldn’t understand, and left something on the sink before quickly leaving. Bede realized finally that he was expected to bathe, and he shuffled into the room before closing the door behind him.

The tile was cold against Bede’s feet, and he breathed out a sigh as he rubbed his eyes again. He needed to get out of the haze he was in, and he knew it, but he didn’t… particularly want to. He’d on some level remembered how rare it was to be safe in any capacity, and the realization left a pit in his stomach he’d forgotten about.

Wait, no, he was just hungry. Bede’s throat was uncomfortably choked up, feeling sticky and sick, and he knew that realization bordered right on remembering why he was here. So he stopped focusing on it, and instead started to take off his clothes.

After a moment of staring at the shower knobs, he finally somehow grasped how to grasp them, something he knew he should know to do. And yet it wasn’t clicking. Where the comfort of amnesia blanketed him before, as he’d shed the literal blankets of the bed he’d awoken in, Bede was starting to get annoyed by the fact he felt like he wasn’t running at his full capacity but he couldn’t  _ remember _ how to be fully annoyed. And so he stewed in half-formed thought and emotion as the shower heated up.

Bede almost fell over as he clambered into the shower, hissing as he bumped his forehead into a wall. What he wasn’t sure was tears or shower spray collected around his eyes as he shook his head vigorously, trying to shake off the hurt, shake off the fog, shake off… something. He didn’t know, couldn’t remember, couldn’t focus, and Bede let out a frustrated noise as he gripped the side of the shower.

He was finally aware of the fact that he was, in fact, crying.

Most of what Bede was holding from himself slid past his defenses, worming into his half-formed, rotten and decaying thoughts as he tried to remember to speak, tried to remember  _ how _ to speak. As his muscles remembered what his mind lacked, Bede slammed his head into the wall and tried to force his brain to catch up and fill in what he was lacking. He felt worse than ever, and yet cruel satisfaction filled his veins as the pain cleared his head.

He didn’t want to focus on it. Feeling all the protests of his body, the screaming of his veins on fire as scalding water boiled his skin red, the pain in his head that he wasn’t sure if it was a headache or head trauma, Bede ignored it all.

He didn’t want to focus on focusing. And yet, he did.

Biting his lip so hard he tasted blood ( _ he recognized the taste _ ), Bede screwed up his eyes and took satisfaction in the fact he could barely breathe, that his whole chest ached, and that his body was in so much pain that he could feel everything in excruciating detail. He would have sworn he could feel every nerve ending if he didn’t know better ( _ he KNEW things! _ ) and yet he didn’t turn down the water temperature or move to stop. With another bash of his head against the wall for good measure, Bede finally allowed himself to breathe, allowed himself to let out the breath he forgot he was holding. It left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Bede’s chest heaved and shuddered as he finally let himself move, positioning his body under the full force of the shower spray. It hurt, burning his skin, but in a tingling way that was almost pleasant as he pulled an arm out into the arguably cooler air outside of the shower curtain to grasp the towel Hop had left for him. He wiped his tears off on the towel, releasing shuddering breaths into the cloth as he could finally feel and focus enough to recognize something that made his chest warm with something beyond the burning of strained lungs or boiled skin.

Hop had given him a pink towel.

Bede could have laughed, if he could make his body work correctly. Finally able to remember how to move, act, and process, and yet he struggled to sync his body to his brain. Annoying. Instead, he sighed a little and moved back into the shower spray and focused on trying to clean his body and wash his hair.

With little of note, he was clean in only a few minutes and stepping out of the shower and immediately bundling himself in the towel to combat the cold air outside of the metaphorical oven he was just in. The way he was red all over supported the metaphor, Bede thought to himself idly as he sighed and dried off.

One more thing left to remember before he went back outside to where he knew Hop and Sonia would be waiting. Bede took a breath as he slid on his clothes, the rattling in his chest familiar yet holding a hole, a gap in memory that he knew was linked. The pounding of his head was familiar and uncomfortable, and with only a few moments of quiet reflection, Bede had the answer that he knew all along.

He was sick. Hop and Sonia had found him collapsed in the wild area, and he’d blacked out soon after being moved. The timeframe was a blur, but he knew that a few stun spores from a cluster of morelull too many were what had almost done him in. Bede only had himself to blame for this mess, and he was aware that’s why he really didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t know what he was going to say to explain this. In many ways, despite finally being lucid, Bede was more confused than ever. Most notably, why he was being helped by someone he assumed hated his guts. But, that was soon to get answered. Probably.

Adjusting his tie on his shirt, Bede sighed, letting his heart slow again as he prepared to leave the room. He was tired, and on some levels just wanted to crawl back into the bed he’d woken up in, but he knew better than to indulge after just managing to wake himself up all the way. It would be fine. His gut was saying that it would turn out okay, and he trusted it. As much as Bede was focusing now, he knew that just trusting his instincts rarely lead him wrong.

Bede opened the door.

“Bede, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thanks for reading. I appreciate all comments left on things, and I do read all of them ;w; Anyways, if you want to chat you can find me on my tumblr pinklemonache or hit me up on discord, my tag is Aloha#4146.


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